Then I cry.
I try to do what is best for his heart
The same feelings come back. I try to do what is best for his heart. I read the Word to him, pray for him constantly, teach him the right things to do. Yet he has free will; free will to rebel; free will to love; free will to hurt me. I am powerless over his choices just as much as I was powerless over the condition he was born with. Like his diaphragmatic hernia, a hole in his diaphragm, he also has a hole in his soul where sin separates him from God and others and even hurts my heart. More than anything, I want him to know God and make Him known.
All the control I try to grasp for will never change the fact that apart from God’s transforming power both of us are wretched. And I am reminded, once again, I am a desperate parent. Desperate for God to do His work in my heart, to make me love well, even when I don’t feel like it… and desperate for God to make Himself known to Kavin- even when I am a poor example of a Christ-follower.
We need His power to penetrate our hearts and the hearts of our children
A worship song comes to mind:
I need You, oh I need You.
Every hour I need You.
My one defense.
Oh God, how I need You.
Apart from God’s power in the lives of our families, there is only dogmatic outward compliance. We need His power to penetrate our hearts and the hearts of our children.
Lord, please make yourself known to us. Please make Yourself known to our children and take our imperfect parenting, wash it in Your perfection, and grow these children to know You and make You known. AMEN.
Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord and He answered me. And delivered me from all my fears.