My youngest had just turned 4 years old. He wasn’t a baby anymore and I wanted more children. Well that door had been closed…my husband and I closed it ourselves. Actually we slammed it shut and said “NO MORE!!”
I realized I had made a horrible mistake. I begged my husband. Can we adopt? Can we reverse our mistake? The answer was always no. I began to pray for more children.
The answer was always no. I began to pray
I have to admit in the beginning I did not like waiting. I actually hated it. I remember going into my closet and crying out to God…sometimes in pain, sometimes in anger. Not sure if this happened but I see myself shaking my fists at God saying “Why would you give me the desire to mother more
children if you weren’t going to allow it?” It was a painful time. A time where I did not feel close to my husband. A time where I cried everyday. A time…a long, long time of waiting.
Five years of waiting…five what? Years? Really?
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 KJV
Looking back on that time in my life I can see where the Lord renewed my strength over and over again. I see His faithful hand guiding and shaping me. Even though at times I thought I would faint from the exhaustion of it all Jesus held me up. It’s interesting to me that through every trial in our lives when we are IN the trial we can’t really see much. We are just in it…in it knee deep, waist deep, and sometimes we feel like we are drowning. But looking back I can see God’s sovereign hand upon it all.”
Hope changed everything for us
Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2010 our friends had just welcomed their 8th blessing a brand new bundle of special awesomeness named Hope…I like to say that Hope changed everything for us. You see, she was born with Downs Syndrome and when she was born my husband’s heart was softened to more children. He told me that we could have more. I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. The feeling of such deep love from my husband. In January 2011 we decided we would pursue adoption through foster care. I’ll save the story of our first little guy for next time.
Today 8 years later I can say that it was all worth the wait. I am not the person I was 8 years ago. I have a deeper faith, a deeper love, and a deeper longing for my Savior. I’ve had to wait for many things in my life and after this VERY long wait I can honestly say that…
I love to wait!!!